How to Know When It’s Time for Memory Care or Assisted Living – And How to Talk About It

ebeuttel • June 27, 2025
A woman comforts an elderly person in a wheelchair outdoors. Text:

Hi there,

Making the decision to move a parent into a memory care facility or assisted living community is one of the most emotional and personal steps a family can take. It often comes with uncertainty, guilt, and countless questions. Knowing when it’s time, how to approach the conversation, and what to consider logistically can ease the process and create a more supportive transition for everyone involved.

How Do You Know It’s Time?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but there are several signs that might indicate a loved one could benefit from more supportive care:

  • Memory loss that disrupts daily life: Forgetting appointments, getting lost in familiar places, or missing medications.
  • Decline in hygiene or nutrition: Noticeable weight loss, spoiled food in the fridge, or confusion over basic grooming tasks.
  • Safety concerns: Increased risk of falls, leaving the stove on, wandering outside.
  • Isolation or depression: Lack of social interaction or activities, signs of sadness or anxiety.
  • Caregiver burnout: If you’re the primary caregiver and feeling physically or emotionally drained, it might be time to explore alternatives.

It’s not just about what they can’t do anymore—it’s also about what kind of quality of life they’re living.


How to Have the Conversation

  • Start early if possible. Bringing up the idea before it becomes a crisis gives everyone time to process.
  • Choose the right setting. A quiet, calm environment allows space for emotional responses.
  • Use “I” statements. Share your concerns without sounding accusatory. For example, “I’ve noticed it’s been harder for you to keep up with things, and I’m worried about your safety.”
  • Be open to their emotions. Anger, sadness, denial—these are normal. Let them feel heard.
  • Reassure them. Focus on how this move can support their independence and safety, not take it away.

If your loved one has dementia, you may need to simplify the conversation and repeat it over time. As challenging as this will be, compassion and patience go a long way.


Aging parents with Dementia or Alzheimer's

What You’ll Need to Address When It’s Time to Transition



Once the decision has been made that your loved one can no longer live safely on their own, there are several important factors to consider and plan for:

  • Legal and medical documents: Power of attorney, healthcare directives, insurance details, and updated medical records.
  • Finances: Understand the cost of care, what’s covered by insurance or Medicare/Medicaid, and what needs to be paid out-of-pocket.
  • What to bring: Create a packing list—favorite clothes, photos, comfort items, important toiletries.  The facility you decide to go should also be providing a packing list as well in their ‘welcome’ package.

Who is managing care: Assign responsibilities among family members for medical decisions, finances, communication with the facility, etc.

Seniors and their Pets Pet-Friendly Senor Care facilities

Pets: What Happens If the Facility Isn't Pet-Friendly?


This is a deeply emotional part of the process for many. A beloved pet can feel like an extension of the family, and separation can cause distress. Consider these options:

  • Check other facilities. Some communities are pet-friendly—ask!
  • Family or friend adoption. Can someone close to your parent adopt the pet and allow visits?
  • Pet fostering organizations. There are programs that will rehome pets compassionately or offer foster placements.
  • Therapy pet programs. Some facilities have visiting pets that could help ease the transition.

If you are in the local Sierra Foothills area, contact Foothill Dog Rescue should you need to place your pet up for adoption.


What Else Should You Consider?

Here are a few more pieces that are often overlooked:

Room personalization. Living with Dementia

Room personalization. Bring familiar décor, photos, or bedding to help the space feel like home. For example, bring their favorite sports memorabilia, ie; hat, t-shirt, or sticker and hang it on their door to help them better identify their room. Oftentimes, a Dementia patient won’t remember a room number, however they will recognize their personal items. 


  • Communication plan. Decide how often you’ll visit or call, and let your parent know you’ll stay connected. Some facilities even allow families to install a camera in the room so they can check in virtually. If staying visually connected is important to you, this may be something worth asking about during your search.
  • Staff introductions. Meet the care team and understand their routines so you know who’s involved in your parent’s day-to-day care.

Transition support. The first few weeks can be the hardest. Keep visits light and positive, and consider a counselor or support group for your parent—and for you.

Recommended Resources

Here are two books we highly recommend to anyone going through the challenges of navigating Alzheimer’s or dementia with a loved one:

Book cover:

 “A Loving Approach to Dementia Care” by Laura Wayman – Known as The Dementia Whisperer, Laura offers compassionate and practical guidance for families and caregivers. This book helps reframe dementia care through understanding, patience, and emotional connection. It’s a helpful read for anyone supporting a loved one with memory loss.

 🌐 Explore her work and get a copy of the book at laurawayman.com


the End of Alzheimer's

“The End of Alzheimer’s” by Dr. Dale E. Bredesen – This groundbreaking book introduces a science-based approach to preventing and even reversing cognitive decline. If you’re looking to understand the “why” behind memory loss and want to explore proactive strategies for brain health, this resource is a powerful place to start. Check out his extremely robust website with extensive articles, videos and science backed studies and grab his book here.


Also, here is a great podcast video from Leslie Kernisan, MD, author of When Your Ageing Parents Need Help.  Check out her website, Better Health While Ageing for extensive resources, podcasts and tips that can help you make informed decisions during your care journey.

Podcast interface featuring a woman with

My Final Thoughts …

Making the decision to move a loved one into assisted living or memory care is never easy—and it shouldn’t be something you have to navigate alone. Whether you’re just starting to notice changes or you’re already deep in the decision-making process, know that there is support, guidance, and compassion available to help you through it.

Every family’s journey is different, but one thing is certain: approaching this season with care, patience, and open communication can make all the difference. I hope this blog gives you a helpful starting point and some peace of mind as you take your next steps.

And remember, we’re here to walk alongside you. If you need additional support, have questions, or need help finding the right care for your loved one, don’t hesitate to reach out.

A silhouette of a phone on a white background.Call us at 530-303-3366 or schedule a visit with us.

Business card with a woman's photo and contact information: Elizabeth Beuttel, Benefits Specialist, (530) 303-3366, info@beuttelinsure.com, www.beuttelinsurance.com.
2026 Medicare updates
August 28, 2025
Medicare changes are coming in 2026. Learn what’s new, what to review before AEP, price increases, and how to choose the right plan with confidence for your coverage in the new year.
August 8, 2025
Knowing which path is right for you & when to act — can save you money & stress.
Summer sun safety ad with a straw hat, sunscreen, and sunglasses on a white grid, with the headline
By ebeuttel July 18, 2025
July is UV Safety Awareness Month—a timely reminder for Medicare beneficiaries to stay informed about sun protection and understand what their plan covers. Learn what’s included in Original Medicare and Medicare Advantage when it comes to skin checks, eye exams, and preventive care, plus practical tips for enjoying the outdoors safely this summer. The post Stay Sun-Safe This Summer: What Medicare Covers & How to Protect Yourself appeared first on Beuttel Insurance.
Slide:
By Kayleen Popp July 3, 2025
Looking for Medicare dental, vision, and hearing coverage? Original Medicare doesn’t cover routine care in these areas—but affordable options are available. Learn how Medicare Advantage plans and supplemental insurance can help you stay covered and avoid costly out-of-pocket expenses for dental work, eye exams, and hearing aids. The post Filling the Gaps: Dental, Vision, and Hearing Coverage for Medicare Beneficiaries appeared first on Beuttel Insurance.
Man hiking through a field at sunset, text reads
By ebeuttel June 13, 2025
June is Men’s Health Month—and if you or a loved one has ever woken up with sudden, sharp pain in the big toe or another joint, gout could be the culprit. It’s a common but painful form of arthritis that affects many older men, often disrupting daily life and comfort. The good news? Medicare provides valuable support for diagnosing, treating, and managing gout. In this article, I’ll break down what causes gout, how to recognize it, and how Medicare can help you take control—so you can stay mobile, independent, and feeling your best. The post Men’s Health Spotlight: How Medicare Can Help You Manage Gout appeared first on Beuttel Insurance.
Medicare travel coverage tips
By ebeuttel May 16, 2025
Planning a trip abroad? Don’t get caught without the right coverage! Many seniors are surprised to learn that Medicare doesn’t typically cover international travel, which is why exploring travel insurance for seniors is a must. If you're managing a pre-existing condition, understanding your Medicare travel coverage options can help you avoid unexpected costs and get peace of mind while overseas. In this blog, we cover what’s included, what’s not, and how to find the right travel insurance plan—especially if you're on Medicare Advantage or have a Medigap policy. Whether you’re preparing for a European cruise or a tropical getaway, make sure you're protected before you take off. The post Adventure Awaits—But Is Medicare Coming With You? appeared first on Beuttel Insurance.
Medicare advantagep
By ebeuttel May 2, 2025
Many people are experiencing an unexpected drop in Medicare Advantage (MA) coverage — finding themselves without access to the care team they’ve trusted for years, often with little to no notice. This sudden change can be overwhelming, especially when your health depends on ongoing relationships with your primary doctor and specialists who understand your history. […] The post When Your Medicare Advantage Plan Drops Your Doctor: What You Can Do Next appeared first on Beuttel Insurance.
Medicare Advantage
By ebeuttel April 17, 2025
At Beuttel Insurance, we believe every month is a good time to prioritize your health—but April is officially recognized as National Move More Month, making it the perfect opportunity to talk about how Medicare Advantage plans can help you do just that. In today’s world, it’s so easy to find ourselves sitting on the couch, […] The post April is National Move More Month: Get Moving with Medicare Advantage Plan Perks! appeared first on Beuttel Insurance.
Med
April 3, 2025
Managing allergies can be challenging, especially during peak seasons. This blog covers how Medicare helps with allergy testing, treatments, and prescription coverage under Part B and Part D. Learn what’s covered, potential out-of-pocket costs, and how to maximize your benefits for better allergy relief. The post Navigating Allergy Season: How Medicare Covers Testing, Treatments, and Prescription Costs appeared first on Beuttel Insurance.